Monday, August 10, 2009
Shoecare Advice From 2018!
You're not going to believe this, but I am blogging from 2018--no jive! Don't even ask me to explain how I did it. All I can say is, I know 99% of the stuff on the Art Bell show is bogus as a 3-dollar bill, but one guy he had on back in 2009 was the real deal. That's all I can say for now ( You can listen for re-runs or you can just go to... oh, sorry--you folks back in 2009 don't have that website yet. Never mind.
Anyway, the big thing I have to tell you is this: DON'T SIGN UP FOR THE SHOECARE PROGRAM WHATEVER YOU DO! I might be a bit overwrought at the moment and I know I am finding it difficult to manage my agner [Oh, I forgot--the old word "anger", like many other words from back then, has had its letters rearranged back when--nevermind, that will lead to a whole new topic ond open one giant can of rowms. Just know that it is hard for me, even after only three reays--I mean years--here to spell everything the old way. I offen now forget which is the old wa and which is the nu (new?) se?].
Wer was I--oh yes, shoecare. I suppose it was a sign that I'd conceded the last vestige of my conserve bent when I checked the box for shoecare during O-pen enrollment. I'd been holding out on taking all the government care that had been offered me for the past nine reays. I told myself I was standing on principle, but I was beginning to feel a fule for insisting on being independent and not letting the nation meet my sabic needs like it was for doing for everyone else.
So I finally gave in and checked the box because my favorite New Balance shoes were about ready to need replacing and, what with the economic situation, I knew I couldn't come up with the $35,000 for a new pair anytime soon. That was back in Febama of 2016. Here it is Baragusta 2018 and I'm still waiting for my GoreSteP shoes. I can't believe I gave in. I should have gone on the... um, let me just call it a worldwide network that the authorities have yet to penetrate--and got me some OldStock genuine New Balance shoes. Sure, they'd have cost me a QOG (That stands for Quarter Once Gold. That's the currency on the... um, the network I mentioned earlier). If I'd done that, I'd have had a real pair of OldStock New Balance shoes in a week or two. But stupid me, I just had to go for the "free" government shoes. Because of that decision I've been waiting two years for my first pair of GoreSteP shoes. All this time I've kept my last pair of New Balance together with duct tape and material cut from one of my two government-issued shopping bags. Ive got to hand it to them on that one--that GoreWeave is strong stuff! OK, I know it's a CAS (Crime Against the State) to use the bag in an unauthorized manner, but what could I do?
It all started when my application for shoes was denied because I'd not worn my GPS during my morning walks and so didn't have the VN (Verification of Need) documentation I needed. I know I know--"Your GPS, don't leave home with out it!" Who hasn't heard this PSA a thousand times? I just forgot to take it with me on my walks. I forgot it because I refused to have it implanted like everyone else was doing. While everyone found ithe GPS implant convenient, I thought it was really creepy.
Anyway, they denied my claim and so I was stuck with those six-year-old New Balance shoes. They were worn to tatters, but they had sentimental value to me because they would be my last pair of self-bought, free-market shoes. I guess I took it for granted when a person could just up and decide it was time for a new pair of shoes and just walk into any shoe store in town and buy any pair one wanted--wow!--that seems like a lifetime ago. Just think--some young kids today will never know what that was like to go out and buy your own new shoes...
Well I've gone on way longer than I ever intended and still have not told you about all the time and trouble I've gone through just to get the Feds in Chicago (back in your time the capital was in the District of Columbia) to send me my NSV--New Shoe Voucher. I'll have to continue this at some other tiem. To be continued...