Saturday, August 29, 2009

Shoecare Advice from 2018--Part-II

I just read what I wrote last tiem, and I see I LefT a number of things out. For one thing, how the PeoplE came to be so overwhelming in favor of SingleSourceNewGovernmentProvided (SSNGP) Shoecare. I suppose one big factor was when, back in 2013, the Clothing Czar launched a series of GoodWiseMediaMoments (GWMMs) (I almost forgot you guys haven't begun to get GWMMs on your UMD--Universal Media Device--yet). Come to think of it, you guys probably haven't even been issued your UMDs yet. Ugh, I'm beginning to realize how much technology has changed since your time. Anyway, a Universal Media Device is self explanitory. They are really cool, except that only the New Government is allowed to make them. I suppose that's why GoodWiseMediaMoments (GWMMs) pop up so frequently.

All that above was to explain how and why so many people got on board with SSNGP Shoecare. They even finally swayed me, in spite of my libertarian leaning views (Don't worry, I'm using a very secure free and independant (!) network to compose/send this, so don't be anxious for me. I don't even worry about this being archived on the blog in 2009 because after 2012 everything on the OldInternet gets... um, nevermind--it's complicated and something you don't need to know right now. Just don't keep any paper copies of things I've written--of any other subversive stuff. Bad idea! Trust me.).

ANYway... The GWMMs would pop up and show some poor guy with no shoes and then, in your earbud, that Orson-Wells-like voice would ask if you really wanted to deny this guy decent shoes. Other GWMMs would constantly remind us of how many people could not afford decent shoes and how the big shoe companies were charging prices many could not afford (although $20,000 now sounds like such a sweet deal! You can't even get a pair of flip-flops for that nowadays!). Then there was that holograph of that little girl crying over her stubbed toe--you'd see her everywhere. That one really got to me.

Anyway, after a year and a half of GWMMs promoting SSNGP universal shoecare, everyone with a decent pair of shoes was feeling guilty about everyone without them. I think it was in early 2015 that the RollingRealTimeVote reached a majority and that familiar tone sounded in my earbud letting me know the People had once again spoken and that yet another NewGovernment program was being launched in order to make us all SafeandSecure.

All this space and I haven't even begun to tell you about what a bureaucratic nightmare it was dealing with the Department of Universal ShoeCare. I'll have to give you the details in another post.

A word to the wise: DON'T print this--or any other Tea Party type communications. I'm sure you know what I mean.